Forgiveness: Potent Medicine

Healing Takes More than Surgery and Pills

For about eight years, neurosurgeon David Levy, 46, has been offering to pray with his patients before surgery—requesting that God give him wisdom, skill, and success in correcting their physiological problem. He will often pray with them again afterward, thanking the Lord that the operation went well and asking a blessing for healing.

And yet physical well-being is just part of what Levy requests of God on behalf of those in his care. In his book Gray Matter, he describes discovering that bitterness is one of the greatest thieves of joy and health and that forgiveness has remarkable power to restore. He is convinced that resentment and bitterness have caused some diseases outright and inhibited healing in others. When he decided to bring up the issue with more patients, he had no idea how effective doing so would be.

Recently, Dr. Levy spoke with In Touch about the curative value of forgiveness—for patients, doctors, and for us all.

In Touch Magazine: Describe what physical or emotional pain can do to a person.

David Levy: When we’re in pain, we can’t really remember a single time that God has done anything good for us. It’s as if our memories are erased, and all we can focus on is me and this pain and getting out of it and God didn’t help me to get out of it. So I try to get people to address God and tell Him how it feels. He can take their anger; the psalms are full of really unloading on God things that we might feel uncomfortable saying. I tell my patients, respectfully, that God has very big shoulders, and there’s something about opening up the communication, as opposed to harboring the grudge and the pain. Sometimes it’s healing in its own right.

ITM: What about the pain of anger with oneself? Have you had opportunity to talk with surgeons who, perhaps, felt like a failure after a bad outcome?

DL: I have. And I’ve been able to help some get forgiveness.

ITM: Forgiveness seems to be a recurring theme in your book.

DL: I think it’s one of the central themes, not only of the book, but of life. Our currency is money, but the currency of God’s kingdom is mercy and grace, which are seen in forgiveness. We all long to know, How can we be forgiven when we’ve made a mistake, especially a mistake that hurts a patient? When someone is now paralyzed for life, or dead, this weighs heavy on our conscience. The typical doctor [will console a colleague] by saying, “Don’t worry about it. You did the best you could. You’re a good physician. Look at all the people you saved.” Doctors will give a pat on the back and encourage each other, but the reality is, those situations are tough. [I compare it to] backing out of your driveway and running over the neighbor’s child: you never intended it, but somehow there’s guilt, there’s shame, there’s probably going to be a court case—all kinds of things for you to get through. It’s physically very difficult, but there’s also a real need for spiritual guidance.

And that’s where it’s appropriate to ask what part of this was your responsibility: “Okay, when I was backing out, I was talking on my cellphone, and I knew better.” You can confess whatever part was your fault, be forgiven for it, and then move on. Because in any surgery, there’s always something you can point to and say, “If I’d have done that, maybe the outcome would have been better.” Well, maybe it would have made a difference; maybe it wouldn’t have. Just confess that to God—confession doesn’t hurt anything but your pride.

Confession is so healthy; it’s so honest. God loves humility, and I believe He moves quickly to the humble person who starts saying, “Yeah, I did that, and I can understand why this consequence happened.” We’re all about trying to justify and blame. And the fact of the matter is, pretty much in any relationship, in any surgery, it’s almost never 100 percent someone’s fault or 100 percent nobody’s fault. I believe that God just says, “Don’t worry about what anyone else did or what wasn’t your fault. All I want to hear is the confession about what was your fault.” And this goes for relationships, marriages, broken trust, and all of the things that make people so angry. The start of healing a relationship is to just say “Hey, what part of that is my fault?”

ITM: So you’ve seen doctors open up to this idea?

DL: I have. Not all are willing, but some physicians that trust me have opened up. And they have found a lot of freedom and quicker resolution. Whenever there’s a tragedy in medicine, you’re never going to get over it the next day and have a happy-go-lucky smile on your face. Whether it’s a loss of life or limb, you’re going to grieve that. Grieving is natural for the physician also, even though he has to continue caring for other patients. So it’s appropriate to allow that natural grieving process, but not self-condemnation. And this is where not just physicians but we all do ourselves a disservice by saying negative things about ourselves that are not God’s thoughts toward us. You know, “I can’t believe I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that.” So much of the self-talk in our culture is really playing into the hand of evil.

So, if there’s something that needs to be confessed, confess it. Let’s get forgiven and start declaring the truth over ourselves: “I’m precious to God.” “I am doing the best I can.” “I make mistakes, and I can be forgiven for them.” I try to get my patients to do this, even in the office, it has even more power in front of someone. To hear yourself say, “I’m a child of the King; He loves me no matter what happens” can really help to pull us out of these pits of remorse and self-condemnation that we get ourselves stuck in.

ITM: What about forgiving others?

DL: I always try to emphasize that resentment and bitterness are really bad for your health—like poison you swallow, hoping someone else will die—and that most of us need help to forgive. We’ve all heard talks or sermons advising, “You should just let that go; you should just forgive.” It’s easy to say but very difficult to do. So when we hear our friends badmouthing someone or talking about how their neighbor or ex-husband has hurt them, we might empathize the first time. But when they bring it up over and over, a good friend will say, “You’ve mentioned that quite a bit. I think it’s time we forgive. Can I help you do that?”

Then we can take our friend through the steps of forgiveness, explaining that it’s a process. In other words, resentment won’t instantly disappear—but at least it’s a start. We can suggest, “Instead of talking negatively about the person, we’re going to start forgiving, because God says in Matthew 6:14, ‘If you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.’ And ‘by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return’ (Luke 6:38). . . . So whenever you start thinking about this person, whether it’s five times or twenty times a day, just declare out loud, ‘God, I forgive (so-and-so) for . . .’ and specifically name what you’re forgiving the person for: the rejection, the abandonment, the betrayal, the fear, the abuse. Say, ‘God, I’m putting that in Your hands. You don’t need my help for justice—I trust You with that. But I’m going to forgive.’”

It is a battle—and a lot of work. But forgiveness is so freeing and so supernatural. If you can get your friend to the other side of his “Mount Everest,” you’re going to see blessings like health and joy start to return. Bitterness and resentment are stealing so much joy from believers and nonbelievers. Believers in Jesus are supposed to be forgiving people, but that is really hard, especially when we’re hurt by someone in the church who’s supposed to have faith. These are really deep wounds that come somewhat unexpectedly. But Jesus knows all about betrayal, and He’s willing to come along beside us through the trial, and help us get rid of our burden.