What happens to my notes
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Anxiety Disorder; Major Depressive Disorder

I grew older. The terrors of my childhood—
anxious days, sleepless nights weeping,
gasping for breath, afraid of the strangeness
of death and afraid of the strangeness
of existence—became mostly a memory.
I thought I had become a man.
I thought I had learned how to live.
But You said, Look, you are a child again,
and in that moment I suffered Your terrors anew,
and they did not end. Month one. Month two. Month three.
Over and over I despaired of peace, of life itself.
You said, Look, you are a child again.
And in my self-pity and in my anger
I was not listening. You terrified me,
You terrified me, You brought me down
into the pit. And You said, Look,
you are a child again. And I said,
How dare You? I cannot endure.
And You said, Nevertheless.
And I said, Why? And I raged
and I shook and I wept for weeks,
and then I fell silent in my despair.
And You said, Look, you are a child again,
and now you can call me Father.

 

 

“Anxiety Disorder; Major Depressive Disorder” is reprinted from Weak Devotions (Wipf & Stock, 2011) by permission of the author.

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