What do we do when we have problems in our friendships? Dr. Stanley shares how to choose friends, according to Proverbs, and how to repair damaged friendships. Discover the building blocks that help to develop great friendships in our lives.
Sermon Outline
Have you ever had a relationship that went wrong, either through your own fault or someone else’s? A close friendship is a treasure—but it can be damaged or even lost. The good news is, it can also be repaired. This week, Dr. Stanley examines damaging habits and offers a biblically grounded way to heal broken connections.
Key Passage: Proverbs 16:28
A true friend loves you when you’re not lovable, stands by you when the world walks away, accepts the worst about you, and helps you become the best you can be.
“A real, true, genuine friend is a gift of God’s mercy to every one of us.”
Friendships require intentional work on our part:
Good friends have great value.
We need to take care of our friendships.
Every friendship will have problems, and as a result, some bonds will not last (Prov. 16:28).
We damage friendships through …
Selfishness—If love is real, the primary question isn’t, “What can the other person do for me?” but rather, “What can I do for the other person?”
Manipulation—This involves attempting to control another person, whether through finances, emotional pressure, or other means.
Jealousy—If we can’t put up with a friend having close bonds with other people, our intolerance will strangle the relationship.
Criticism—A spirit of fault-finding tears down rather than builds up. True friends confront one another in love.
Covetousness—When we desire what isn’t rightfully ours in a relationship, the things we covet will become more valuable than the relationship itself.
Dishonesty—A friendship cannot survive without trust. Dishonesty will always damage connections.
“A friend is someone who stands by your side. And that makes friendships very, very valuable.”
To heal a damaged relationship …
Address the issue directly. Go to your friend and acknowledge something’s wrong.
Determine what happened. Understand what caused the injury before trying to fix it.
Apologize. Say “I’m sorry” without trying to qualify anything.
Refuse to assign blame or defend yourself. The goal is not to be right but to save the relationship.
Make a commitment to rebuild. Tell your friend, “I am committed to this friendship and will do whatever it takes to repair it.”
When repairing a relationship, ask yourself:
Am I projecting something about myself or my past onto my friend?
Am I too fearful to cultivate close relationships?
Do I have unrealistic expectations?
Do I have feelings of unworthiness?
After Watching
Draw two columns on a piece of paper. On the left, list the names of your friends. If one of the patterns Dr. Stanley mentioned has crept into your friendship, list it on the right. (Be honest; no one else will see it.) Next, tear the paper in half. Keep the side with the names and throw the other away as a sign that these patterns will no longer define your friendships. Finally, choose one person to pray for, asking God to help you make a change.
Think of a friendship that has been wounded. Don’t rush to find a solution or plan what to say. Just hold the relationship before God and listen. Is He asking you to forgive? To reach out? To let something go? To grieve what was lost?
